I love to watch my daughter sleep.
It's a moment of pure innocence, absolute tranquility, the pinnacle of peacefulness.
Seeing her snuggled in her bed, safe and sound, is such a privilege that I all too often take for granted. Watching her, I think about every hope, every wonder, every moment of happiness that will come into her life. They are beautiful thoughts of family vacations and simple play times, along with every milestone that still awaits. They are the dreams that float to the surface.
But with those dreams come nightmares.
Already, there are signs - evidence of the darkness. It's the dark edges of reality that seem to grasp hold of so many - pulling them out of the light.
They are the fears every parent faces - the heartache you know will be unavoidable, the loneliness that lies in wait like a constant companion, the trials and choices that feel impossible to overcome during the fray.
We face these things as a parent, looking into our slumbering child's face, knowing they are unavoidable; wanting to protect them from every hurt, every fear, every defeat, but we can't, we mustn't. For without those things, we are not human. Without those things, we have no comprehension of reliance. No comprehension of triumph. No comprehension of grace.
Without darkness, there is no appreciation for light.
So I wonder, 'What can I do?' because I need to do something. I can't just sit idly by and do nothing. That may very well be an impossible task for me - to just sit back and watch everything unfold. So I do the seemingly simplest task that actually takes the most effort. I let go, and I pray. And though I let go, I only do so for a moment, because I'm just not that strong. Not strong enough or brave enough to truly trust God enough.
I want to desperately, but it's hard - it's my baby. It doesn't make any sense. I can't even be rational about it, but it's there, out in the open, mocking me. But even with my failures, I know that God is greater than my faults and celebrates the smallest of victories. For in my millisecond of release, He does miraculous works. And in those miracles, there is light. Light is more powerful than any darkness.
